DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A LONG POST. A LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG POST. Here we go.
This is an abrupt post - I don’t deny that. Writing this post is not going to be particularly enjoyable for me. Yet, I am willing to do so.
I’ll stop being melodramatic now. What am I on about? Well. Drum roll, please.
I kid. This isn’t an announcement worthy of celebration. This is an announcement that I hope to follow up in 188 days’ time. In other words, I hope that my next post is on Tuesday, 19 May 2015. Or later. But most definitely not before then.
Tuedsay, 19 May 2015 is the day I sit my final IB exam. It’s French, in the morning. Let’s let this sink in for a second. FINAL. IB. EXAM. Then I’m a free fairy! I do not know why I said that.
As you may have deduced from the title of this post, this, indeed, is a semi-farewell moment. In NO way, I assure you, is this forever. I said this two weeks ago, before departing on my MindblowingBreathtakingHeartwarmingEyeopeningAmaaazingAsdfghjklkjhgfdsa trip to Nepal (I have many feelings, trust me, still lingering from the trek; but I don’t think sharing them online would be very smart - sorry). “See you later”, I captioned my 100th @jaaananannnsfood Instagram pic. Nay, I returned. This time, however, the hiatus will be longer.
My debut pic on @jaaananannnsfood was posted on Wednesday, 1 October 2014. I remember this date exceptionally well because (i) Oct 1 was the day I very stupidly walked from home to Admiralty and back. I decided to check out Occupy Central (or Occupy HK) with my best friend (school was out because all the roads were blocked). Remember my three somber and heartfelt posts earlier on? I even plead to the YouTube community in my impromptu video “This is Home?”, asking y’all to wear yellow to support the movement. Anyway; (ii) Unsurprisingly, walking a few k on a severely sprained and swollen ankle made it worse. So I practicallly froze to semi-consciousness under a heap of ice packs that night, in attempt to ice my ankle; and (iii) The reason why I chose to visit Occupy Central on Oct 1 was because ’twas the national day of the PRC (People’s Republic of China - yes, the communist one; no, not the beautiful Imperial one). This meant that all officials were busy celebrating, well, nothing really, up in Beijing, and I could rest assured that no tanks would be sent down to kill us. I’m serious here.
I think that’s where my addiction to social media began. I’d posted MY FIRST VIDEO + TMI TAG | jaaananannn prior to that, but my attachment to the online world was mellow. I started my food Insta because I like to prepare and consume aesthetically appealing meals and snacks. Precisely, because I was overloading my personal account (i.e. legit close friends irl had blocked my updates on Facebook. I knew I could simply unlink the Fb share option; I did, but I also didn’t want my personal account to turn into a foodie feed.). Then I got hooked.
I started spending more and more time photographing, pondering upon approachable captions, browsing fellow healthly foodie accounts… Essentially, not working. My productivity rate declined so quickly and so suddenly that I soon became overwhelmed with my icnreasing workload. And I wasn’t helping myself.
Finally came the day that my Extended Essay was due. I was also leaving to Nepal the very same day. I don’t know how to share this episode of my life tastefully, because it wasn’t. To be blunt (and I believe this is the best way to tell this story, for you and for myself), I skipped class, when Nepal people were specifically told not to; I e-mailed each teacher (upon my mother’s advice), telling each of them I was skipping. How insanely awkward, absurd, disrespectful, disappointing, out of my character, and crippling towards my reputation. I know, I know. “Skipping class? Woah, rebel… No.” If you’re silently judging behind the computer screen right now, uh, feel free to carry on. It doesn’t really affect me. Though bear in mind that not everyone is as indifferent as I am.
So I skived to finish my EE. I was breaking out in cold sweat. I got into so much sh*t. Nice teachers helped. Strict ones made me cry. I went off to Nepal with one of the teachers whose class I’d skipped. I am actually a genius (please feel my sarcasm bleed through your screen). I returned from Nepal Trek. I arrived at school. The scary teacher gave me more sh*t and made me feel like a worthless piece of yak dung. I needed to pick up my game.
Let’s rewind to the morning I got home from Nepal. There was a letter waiting for me. It was from my mum, who’d been through the last moments of my EE handing-in with me. I will not summarise the letter because it is personal and painful, but I will say that she requested that I read it twice. The first time was shaming and heartbreaking enough, but I forced myself to go through a second time. It would be the least I could do, after the disappointment through which I put my mum. I also never called / texted to report that I was fine, alive, enjoying myself... That broke her heart. If there’s one thing a child does not want to see, it’s his parent in tears. She said that she broke down in tears shortly after I left for Nepal. I regret so much of what I did.
With the colossal love and support of my mum, I climbed out of my hell hole. There is always a bright - well, in this case, let’s just say it was a “less-depressing” side to the situation (I don’t like throwing around abnormal behavioural terms like “OCD” or “depressed” because I’m a Psych student, so the inclusion of the word “depressing” here shows my commitment behind my words). The less-depressing side of the situation was that at least I messed up (BIG TIME) now, not later. At least it wasn’t my degree. At least it wasn’t my final dissertation. At least I was still lawfully a child. At least I lived at home, with my superhuman mum. At least I wasn’t alone.
Inarguably, it hurts me to leave you. This blog, appropriately titled “Thoughts by Jaaananannn”, is my creative, emotional, conceptual outlet. I do not need to face anyone’s judgement with all five senses. I can just write and write, oblivious to reality. I enjoy it.
This is a bittersweet moment for me. Like it or not (I really can’t decide which; I suppose that I like it, given the long-term achievements), I will have to “see you later”. But I’ve chosen to keep @jaaananannn (my personal Insta), as well as @jaaananannnsfood (my food Insta) active. I just won’t be posting every day (let alone a few times a day - something I felt absolutely obligated to do on my food account). @Jaaanyuen on Twitter will also remain active. I don’t find Twitter interesting anyway. This leaves my YouTube channel “j aaananannn” and this very blog. These final two forms of social media will be idle until I return from my IB exams. This means no videos, no posts.
I’m terribly sorry to leave you. I also need to say a big fat THANK YOU for sticking around all this time. I still need you guys. I just can’t show it until I pass IB. I’ll just think about my Internet Friends when I’m down or feeling pressured (which is most of the time. Pressured, that is.).
When I return, it’ll be the beginning of my summer. Schoolkids will still be sleeping through class (our school’s summer begins on July 1), but I’ll be a free monkey! I don’t even know now. Wait. I said I would be a free fairy at the beginning of the post, didn’t I? Free fairy. There we go.
It’ll be the beginning of my summer - post-high-school, pre-university! Asdfghjkljhgfdsa
I’ll update you guys then. Short and sweet updates will be pinned to my Twitter profile. I’ll miss you. I’m already missing you.
I hope you understand. I truly hope you understand.
Thank you; see you later.
Let’s do this a final time before I online-hibernate: Jan out.x
❧
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